As I walked to the edge of my life as I knew it, past all of the people and things that I had loved, and all that I had lost, past familiar faces and places, and that place, my temporary home, I closed my eyes and listened to the comforting sounds that surrounded me. There I stood at the edge looking back at a world full of color, of rain storms and rainbows... back at everything that had made me, me.
There, as I teetered on the edge "my life" seemed so much more vivid, more real, and so much more of what I needed. Standing on the edge I felt such a longing to run back to that place of comfort, that place of security, and to the knowledge of that which I already knew. Standing there, toes curled over the ledge, there was nothing else to hold onto. Yet, I held on invisibly to all that was behind me. A sweet sense of security...
There, as I stood on the edge of what had been and what would be a gentle breeze began to swell into a gusting wind... I felt my body move against its rising force. Even then I continued to plant my feet firmly into the unsteady ground beneath me. My body stiffened to fight against what I knew was blowing in...
Then with a hesitant heart and with the last bit of courage within me I slowly turned into that which I knew I must face. Out into the unknown I raised my eyes. I was drawn into the vast openness that lay before me. Its shrouded vale of mystery flashed faint images of all that was beckoning me... calling my name... leading me. Flashes of those things that waited for me... of my hopes, my dreams, but more than all those hidden fears that lay within the deepest part of me. It was those fears that had kept me hanging on to "my life."
Stronger still the winds blew. I felt my strength weaken. Trying still to hold on, I turned my head to look back and reached one last time for the life I had always known. That all too familiar place of comfort and safety. Yet, something from out there called to me... A voice so sweet, so firm, and with such conviction that even as the winds rushed by me, this voice was all that I could hear. With the strength of a lions roar, and the gentleness of a lamb, I closed my eyes and heard the two words that I never wanted to hear... "Let go."
Suddenly, something deep inside of me released. My body drew forward and as the raging winds enveloped me, I felt not just my body but my entire being exhale. My knees grew weak. I spread my arms and with a half hearted attempt to catch myself I fell... And as I fell I remember the serene feeling that embraced me. An overwhelming sense of trust. A trust which I had never known. With a weightless heart and arms wide open I fell into the great unknown, into the love that surrounded me, into the knowledge of what had been and the uncertainty of what would be, into myself, my purpose, and "my life". Not the life that I knew but into the life that I had NEVER known... and for the first time in my life there was peace.
There, as I teetered on the edge "my life" seemed so much more vivid, more real, and so much more of what I needed. Standing on the edge I felt such a longing to run back to that place of comfort, that place of security, and to the knowledge of that which I already knew. Standing there, toes curled over the ledge, there was nothing else to hold onto. Yet, I held on invisibly to all that was behind me. A sweet sense of security...
There, as I stood on the edge of what had been and what would be a gentle breeze began to swell into a gusting wind... I felt my body move against its rising force. Even then I continued to plant my feet firmly into the unsteady ground beneath me. My body stiffened to fight against what I knew was blowing in...
Then with a hesitant heart and with the last bit of courage within me I slowly turned into that which I knew I must face. Out into the unknown I raised my eyes. I was drawn into the vast openness that lay before me. Its shrouded vale of mystery flashed faint images of all that was beckoning me... calling my name... leading me. Flashes of those things that waited for me... of my hopes, my dreams, but more than all those hidden fears that lay within the deepest part of me. It was those fears that had kept me hanging on to "my life."
Stronger still the winds blew. I felt my strength weaken. Trying still to hold on, I turned my head to look back and reached one last time for the life I had always known. That all too familiar place of comfort and safety. Yet, something from out there called to me... A voice so sweet, so firm, and with such conviction that even as the winds rushed by me, this voice was all that I could hear. With the strength of a lions roar, and the gentleness of a lamb, I closed my eyes and heard the two words that I never wanted to hear... "Let go."
Suddenly, something deep inside of me released. My body drew forward and as the raging winds enveloped me, I felt not just my body but my entire being exhale. My knees grew weak. I spread my arms and with a half hearted attempt to catch myself I fell... And as I fell I remember the serene feeling that embraced me. An overwhelming sense of trust. A trust which I had never known. With a weightless heart and arms wide open I fell into the great unknown, into the love that surrounded me, into the knowledge of what had been and the uncertainty of what would be, into myself, my purpose, and "my life". Not the life that I knew but into the life that I had NEVER known... and for the first time in my life there was peace.
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