Finding the colors...

Finding the colors...

everyday.

Distance...

Close enough to feel the warmth...

Far enough to not get burned.

The face of a friend...

I saw God today in the face of a friend
with the strength of a lion and the gentleness of a lamb.
It's funny how most days we all look like nothing we feel,
and our words somehow cover those feelings we try not to reveal...
but I saw him today
His smile shone on her face
and although she was hurting I felt the presence of His grace.
The sound of HIS voice reached my ears as she spoke
and her confessions of fear were surrounded by hope.
Yes... I saw Him today in the face of a friend
and suddenly I realized all of the times that I've missed him.
We worry so much about all of the things that will pass.
When often times we are standing right in front of His love and a truth that will last.
Idle worry and senseless chatter
it only carries us further from those things that really do matter...
but today in simple heartfelt conversation between friends
I was blessed to see God's presense in the face of a friend.

To my friend Linda

who is both and inspiration

and a testament to the grace

and strength that lies within us all.

Into the light...

Isaiah 42

16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;

I will turn the darkness into light before them

and make the rough places smooth.

These are the things I will do;

I will not forsake them.

A subtle submersion...

Floating above

On a sea of monotonous nothingness

I long to feel the waters of my spirit wash over me

Subtley submersed
I am covered
If only for a moment
To feel the waters of myself again...

Poured out like water...

When I open myself I am free.
Fully alive and living...
Expression, love, laughter.
When I am poured out like water.
This... is the best of me.

Fade away...

i watched you fade away
not how you think but in a different way
something so hard to reach
you stole the very breath of me
don't you know
there is a love that will not fail you
your eyes dimming with each passing day
everything you wanted right in front of you
words leaving
mind day dreaming
i watched you fade
if you believe that you're all you need
then you're standing on sinking sand
turn to me and take my hand
i was reaching for you
not just what you could see
but every part of me
i watched you fade away
the sound of your voice so faint
where did the laughter go
reserved for those who'll never know
your heart so torn and broken
a token of a fleeting moment
you let it fade
can't you feel the love that surrounds you
does it mean anything to you
fading
your eyes once brown now blue
happiness doesn't have to be so hard
too much work
too little time
with so much effort
what did you find
did it fill you
give you peace
are you happier hidden beneath
the put on smile
of the i'm okay
i'm fine
talk to you some other time
i may never see the world through your eyes
and i may never know the truth inside
all i know is i watched you fade
and through my eyes
there is no replacement
for the loss of what i believed in
will you ever try to see
through my eyes
and please believe me when i say
the hardest part of all
was to watch you
watch it all just fade
in my dreams i hear your laughter
then i awaken to the silence
touch my heart and you will find you there
open me and you will see
all that you need to
there are some things that just fit
a puzzle piece
like you and me
laughter
tears
sunsets
hopes
and fears
i watched it all just fade away
the colors ran the sky turned gray
like a lunchbox full of memories
some things we pack away
if i could say something
it would be to say nothing at all
then maybe you would hear me
look into my eyes
see not me but your own reflection
and watch it fade
then tell me how it feels to you

Outside your door...

I stood outside your doorway
Anticipation in my heart
You were on the other side
It seemed two worlds apart
Your head upon the door frame
The door knob in your hand
You longed so much to let me in
But thought I didn't understand
I stood outside your doorway
Wondering if I should just go
I thought of all the days gone by
And all I wanted you to know
There hadn't been a moment
That you'd been off my mind
And all the happy memories
That seemed forever lost in time
I stood outside your doorway
And softly called your name
Wondering if you'd even hear me
Or if my voice would sound the same
Inside you stood in silence
A tear fell from your eye
And quickly then you caught your breath
You felt you should not cry
I stood outside your doorway
With my hand upon your door
Then pulled out what I had brought for you
And placed it on the floor
With that I turned and gathered
All my thoughts held deep within
I knew it wouldn't be this time
That you would let me in
You stood behind your doorway
Hidden safe within your pride
You didn't want me to see in you
The pain held in your eyes
I whispered I was leaving
And slowly walked away
Carried with me words unspoken
There's some things you just can't say
You waited several moments
As I disappeared into the dark
Then slowly opened up the door
And saw I had left my heart
I wanted you to have it
You need it more than me
And after all it had been filled inside
With all the love you'd given me

Between dusk and dawn...

In the midst of darkness and light the truth of sight remains an enigma.

Caught up in it...

I took this picture at the Mission San Juan Capistrano and I think it speaks for itself. To me, this picture represents an expression of hope. A rugged wooden cross, bearing the scars of it's past, stands surrounded by a thicket of cactus. Yet, tall and strong it stands, and empty... A reminder that even when we are caught up in it, in the midst of our problems, our worries, our pain, and our struggles... there in the thicket of those things that pierce us, lies hope and way...
And if we only have faith and believe those things that surround us can never hold us.

Silence...

There is no greater silence than to lose the voice of a true friend.

Words that grow...

so softly my thoughts whisper
one breath away from reaching your ears
keep me guessing about what i'm wondering
move me from this moment to the next
each day each moment
constant motion
never forgiving enough to slow things
even for just one moment
to let us feel what drives our souls
breath in breath slow
double down and let it go
relive remember
trying to recall the moments
one time one place
seeds planted
seeds of bitterness and pain
thoughtlessness carelessness
and this is what we nurtured
what we fed
what we groomed
one moment grew
one moment bloomed
and then we wonder
why
we cry we scream
we give our hearts to pain
we give our hearts to regret
to wasted time
to thoughts that sigh
and tears that drown our minds
i think it may be the greatest sin of all
to speak without knowing what we plant
so softly now my thoughts whisper
one breath away from reaching your ears
and so i hold my breath

The beauty within us...

beauty rests on broken souls
with puddled promises and empty holes
where silence saddens and distance screams
and people ponder on love's deafened dreams

beauty lies in hollowed hearts
of those who dared to play the part
where once there danced a hope a dream
that's now replaced by in betweens

beauty covers those empty spaces
of lost heart words and warm embraces
and silent songs that fill our souls
when wounds of life have taken toll

beauty bares the truth within
and births the hope where love begins
when human thoughts have failed to heal
there beauty shines for LOVE revealed

Standing below...

Standing below you I saw above you

Your face blank with control

But in your eyes lies your soul

A glint of who you were

And now this place where you stand

Standing below you I see a hint of you

Your insides your silent cries

Pacing now you are thinking

Though nothing gives

I know the complexity of your thoughts

You you've always been one step ahead

Hands on hips it is your stance of I am

I can and I will be in control

You ask simple questions

And all along you know the answers

Never going too far into that place

That may take you home

There is comfort for you in not knowing

But even so I know the pain of your uncertainty

One glance here and there

Just enough to take me in

Into your thoughts if only for a moment

Walking away I see your hesitation

And if I were to call to you

I know it would break the silence

But there is peace in knowing

That you like me are hurting

So sudden a moment passes

And then we move into the next

I still believe in second chances

When love has healed our hearts at last

Standing below you I saw above you

Glowing embers in your hair

So sure to me are the things of my heart

And the one who led me there

Each moment that passes I am thinking

Never knowing but always believing... in you

Falling...

As I walked to the edge of my life as I knew it, past all of the people and things that I had loved, and all that I had lost, past familiar faces and places, and that place, my temporary home, I closed my eyes and listened to the comforting sounds that surrounded me. There I stood at the edge looking back at a world full of color, of rain storms and rainbows... back at everything that had made me, me.

There, as I teetered on the edge "my life" seemed so much more vivid, more real, and so much more of what I needed. Standing on the edge I felt such a longing to run back to that place of comfort, that place of security, and to the knowledge of that which I already knew. Standing there, toes curled over the ledge, there was nothing else to hold onto. Yet, I held on invisibly to all that was behind me. A sweet sense of security...

There, as I stood on the edge of what had been and what would be a gentle breeze began to swell into a gusting wind... I felt my body move against its rising force. Even then I continued to plant my feet firmly into the unsteady ground beneath me. My body stiffened to fight against what I knew was blowing in...

Then with a hesitant heart and with the last bit of courage within me I slowly turned into that which I knew I must face. Out into the unknown I raised my eyes. I was drawn into the vast openness that lay before me. Its shrouded vale of mystery flashed faint images of all that was beckoning me... calling my name... leading me. Flashes of those things that waited for me... of my hopes, my dreams, but more than all those hidden fears that lay within the deepest part of me. It was those fears that had kept me hanging on to "my life."

Stronger still the winds blew. I felt my strength weaken. Trying still to hold on, I turned my head to look back and reached one last time for the life I had always known. That all too familiar place of comfort and safety. Yet, something from out there called to me... A voice so sweet, so firm, and with such conviction that even as the winds rushed by me, this voice was all that I could hear. With the strength of a lions roar, and the gentleness of a lamb, I closed my eyes and heard the two words that I never wanted to hear... "Let go."

Suddenly, something deep inside of me released. My body drew forward and as the raging winds enveloped me, I felt not just my body but my entire being exhale. My knees grew weak. I spread my arms and with a half hearted attempt to catch myself I fell... And as I fell I remember the serene feeling that embraced me. An overwhelming sense of trust. A trust which I had never known. With a weightless heart and arms wide open I fell into the great unknown, into the love that surrounded me, into the knowledge of what had been and the uncertainty of what would be, into myself, my purpose, and "my life". Not the life that I knew but into the life that I had NEVER known... and for the first time in my life there was peace.

Bigger than me...

There are some things in life that are much bigger than me, bigger than I can see, bigger than I can understand, bigger than can be expressed, and much bigger than I am able to handle on my own. To stand at the foothold of the circumstances of life can sometimes seem overwhelming. To look up from underneath the weight of a thousand worries can cloud our thoughts and block our view from a picture far greater than our tunnel vision will allow us see. Sometimes we stand far to close to our own thoughts. We focus all of our time feeding and nurturing the things we cannot change and then before we know it... that is all that we see. What once was a simple obstacle has now become a tower of self centeredness that has blocked our view of the world around us and from those people and relationships that we once held so dear. Faith is lost and we are left standing looking up at all the things we have tried so hard to handle on our own...

Matthew 17:20
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Child like wonder...

1 Samuel 1

27 I prayed for this child,
and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.
28 So now I give him to the LORD.
For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD."

Genesis 21

18 Lift the boy up and take him by the hand,
for I will make him into a great nation."18 Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation."

As I was looking at this picture of Zach I was moved by its feeling of innocence and the desire that children possess to learn, to create, and to grow in a way that we as adults have all to often lost. Without a conscious thought or motive they move throughout their world in wonder of all the possibilities to evolve. The mind and the heart of a child holds the seeds to a future that has no limits and that can only be hindered by the discouragement and negativity of those who have not only lost themselves, but the hope within them that allows unimaginable dreams to manifest.

No matter how hard I try I can never teach or do for my child like God himself can do, but I can lead her to the one who makes all things possible. Encourage your children, pray for them, lift them up... and take them by the hand. You may find that they just might lead you back, back to that place of child like wonder.

Candid moments...

Some of the best taken photos I believe are candid ones. They not only capture the truest essence of the moment but also cast a perfect reflection of the uninfluenced human emotion. I love this picture taken of my daughter as we were walking one day. She possesses a beautiful, humble, and gentle spirit and I think this picture captured it perfectly.

Where the river flows...

Psalm 142

2 I pour out my complaint before him;

before him I tell my trouble.
3 When my spirit grows faint within me,

it is you who know my way.

Which way does the river flow

and do I know the way?

Like water under the bridge,

so are the worries of my heart.

Don't try to fight the current on your own.

Instead, lay your burdens down at the waters edge,

step into the waters of faith,

let go, and let His love guide you.

Sickened...

Genesis 2
15 The LORD God took the man and put him

in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

During a recent visit to Brackenridge Park I was completely sickened at how much trash and graffiti was strewn all over the place. They have put a lot of money and effort recently into improving the park and I think it is disgusting how people have defiled it. The animals were swimming in trash and many of the structures have been covered in graffiti. This park should be a place where people can come to enjoy themselves in a beautiful environment, surround by nature. Instead is it not only an embarrassment but a testament as to exactly how low people can stoop. You often here people complaining that there is nothing to do for free. Yet, when we are fortunate enough to have a beautiful place like this to take our children and families to, some people abuse it to the point of ruin. If certain individuals cannot respect what we all share then maybe they should keep both themselves and their bad habits at home. Other people and innocent animals should not have to pay the price for individuals who obviously lack respect for even their own character.

The greatest of these...

1 Corinthians 13

13And now these three remain:

faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians Chapter 13 is what I believe to be one of the most powerful chapters in the Bible. When you think of life and all there is to gain or lose, the one thing that will out weigh it all is love. Without it we are nothing. It is ingrained in our spirit and woven through the fabric of our being. Nothing can measure up to it and absolutely nothing can replace it. We seek it, we long to share it and without it we are lost.

Meet me at sunset...

Where the sun sets you will find me

Waiting for the dawn

Surrounded by sweet memories

Of days that have long gone

And when the warmth begins to fade

I'll close my eyes and see your face

No setting sun could ever take away

The light you brought into my days

And with the sun ray's last embrace

As it slips into the ocean's waves

I'll smile and raise my head with grace

As I watch the twilight colors fade
I'll dream until the new day's dawn
Until another sunset comes

Surrounded by sweet memories

And all that's left inside of me

Please know that should you ever need me

It's where the sun sets you will find me...

Faith...

Hebrews 11
1Now faith is the substance of things hoped for,
the evidence of things not seen.

Faith is not a lesson to be learned

but rather a compulsion of our spirit

to lead us forward with the inherent knowledge

that God has placed within our hearts.

Faith is reaching out into the darkness

and grabbing onto that which our hearts know to be true.

Faith is stepping forward into uncertainty

and knowing that your foot will land on solid ground.

Faith is the peace in the midst of chaos.

It is calmness in the storm.

It moves us forward.

It leads us.

Faith carries us and catches us when we fall.

Faith restores our soul.

Faith whispers to us of the promises made long ago

and with child like innocence we believe...

The road less traveled...

There is a road less traveled. It is a pathway that is not only isolated and desolate but unpleasing to the eye with rough terrain and overgrown passageways. It is not welcoming nor does it beckon to those who wish to stroll along effortlessly on a smooth trail surrounded by scenic landscapes. There are no friendly faces or signs to give direction, just a dusty path full of pits and potholes, obstacles and overgrowth, and at times overwhelming uncertainty. This is what came to mind when I saw this picture. Surprisingly enough, this path lies just behind some of the most beautiful homes in San Antonio. This ugly path... leads to beautiful places. Looking at it though, it is not a path that I would willingly choose to follow. What if it were the only way though? Doesn't it lead to the same place? Thinking about this made me think of my own path and the challenges that I have had to face over the past years... my uncertainty, my fears, and even my doubts as to whether or not I have been headed in the right direction. One of the things that I have been fortunate enough to learn though, is that I feel pretty confident that no matter what path lies in front of me I am certain enough that I will find my way through it and in many ways create a path of my own. It may be challenging and uncomfortable at times but there is always a way through. There may be moments of confusion and uncertainty but sure enough eventually you will find yourself standing in that place to which you were originally headed. What if you knew this and then believed in yourself? How much faster would you get there? In what ways would you improvise and what resources would you pull from to get you there? The only thing that ever really holds us back from anything is the fear of uncertainty. Draw on your faith, believe in where you are headed and push fearlessly though all the junk that lies in your way. The road less traveled is not always bad, just different. So when you find yourself standing there confused and uncertain in the thick of it all, just remind yourself of the beauty that lies ahead. Before you know it you will be standing there smiling at the end of the road and looking back from a far better place than you ever originally dreamed.

The fruits we bear...

Galatians 5
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Like honey draws bees, the same holds true to the qualities of our spirit. If there is anything I hope to achieve in life it is to live in such a way that the fruits I bear show a true example to the light that lives inside of me. There are nine fruits of the spirit and although at first it might seem like a lot to live up to, I know people who possess every single one of these qualities. They are people that I love very much. I am both drawn to them and can't imagine my life without them, and I can only hope that the same can been seen in me.

My little bird...

A little tiny bird

With a little broken wing

She hadn't healed enough to fly

But was strong enough to sing

The songs she shared healed many hearts

And many broken souls

Her presence lifted weary frowns

And her laughter brought many home

Now this little tiny bird

With her little broken wing

Gave so much to the others

That it covered up her pain

But every time she tried to fly

She was reminded of her fall

But even still this little bird

Would continue to stand tall

"I don't care about this broken wing

It will not hold me down"

She would tell herself time and again

And then inside would frown

For she knew that her true desire

Was to somehow rise above

To fly with all the others

And with her friend the dove

To have the sun shine on her face

Feel the wind beneath her wings

And from the deepest part of her

Her soul would truly sing

Be patient little birdie

And do not try to fly

For God will give you brand new wings

And set you way up high

Be strong now little birdie

Strong enough to say

The song I sang to heal the others

I sing to me today

For God can set you way up high

And give you wings to fly

But when you cling to brokenness

You keep it deep inside

So when you climb out on that branch

And trade old wings for new

Be sure to give him all that's broken

And to yourself be true

May the serenity of the Son shine down

As you soar on wings of love

And may you sing a song of healing

As you fly beside the dove

Written for My Little Stormy

May 14th, 2003

Locked doors...

John 20

26A week later his disciples were in the house again,

and Thomas was with them.

Though the doors were locked,

Jesus came and stood among them and said,

"Peace be with you!"

27Then he said to Thomas,

"Put your finger here; see my hands.

Reach out your hand and put it into my side.

Stop doubting and believe."

As I read the verse above

the following words stood out to me...

Though the doors were locked,
Jesus came and stood among them and said,
"Peace be with you!"

Isn't it true that even when we isolate ourselves,

even when we lock the doors to our inner being

and hide away from the world,

Jesus is right there beside us?

No walls or locks can keep us separated from His love.

And No matter where we are or what surrounds us,

He is always willing to find us and meet us right where we stand.

Like in His words to Thomas above,

He tells him...

"Reach out your hand and put it into my side.

Stop doubting and believe."

All we have to do is reach out to him and believe,

and it is there that we find peace.

A single cell...

One day the Lord took into His hands

a single human cell.

He multiplied and divided it,

until now there were twelve.

The Lord worked on continuously

from twelve to twenty four.

Until a tiny heart began to beat,

then He divided still some more.

And after just a few heavenly moments,

or so it may have seemed,

He realized He would love this child

more than our minds could ever dream.

A little brain now began to grow,

two arms, two little legs,

ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes,

all from a single egg.

Now from just one single cell

there lived and breathed a child,

and the Lord looked down upon this creature

so tender and so mild.

He wanted to keep him safe and warm

within his mother's womb,

but he knew that He must send him forth

and give him his own room.

To breath and grow, to live and learn,

the lessons of this life,

through happiness and sorrows,

through joys and through great strife.

The Lord looked down from the sky

and saw what He had made,

"I send you child into this life,

but do not be afraid.

Be strong and be courageous,

remember who you are,

and remember always my little child

I am never very far."

With that the Lord said to the child,

"Go now, you are free.

and may your journey through this life,

lead you home to me."

Although I am honored to be a parent, I always try to remind myself that my child is not mine alone. And as much as I love her, I cannot fathom the love of the one who made her. And no matter how much I want to hold onto her and love and protect her, I know that God has a plan for her that goes beyond what I could ever wish or dream for her. We can never completely shield our children from every blow that life brings, but we can show them a way through on a path that consists of faith, hope and love...

On being bold...

Luke 11

8I tell you, though he will not get up

and give him the bread because he is his friend,

yet because of the man's boldness

he will get up and give him as much as he needs.
9"So I say to you:

Ask and it will be given to you;

seek and you will find;

knock and the door will be opened to you.

10For everyone who asks receives;

he who seeks finds;

and to him who knocks,

the door will be opened."

Hebrews 4

16 Let us therefore come boldly to
the throne of grace,

that we may obtain mercy

and find grace to help in time of need.

God wants us to be bold, to stand before him with courage and confidence in our relationship with him. I used to be very afraid and hesitant to ask for anything from anyone. Truth is though that being afraid gets you no where, especially in our relationship with God. I do not fear God like I used to. I do however, hold great reverence to his unlimited power, love, and wisdom. Without him I am lost and the only way to find my way is to go boldly before Him and to ask, and seek, and knock... He wants us to need him and he wants us to stand boldly before him so that our relationship with Him is of real substance and all that we bring before him is sincere and open and honest. It is then that he can do his best work in us and it is then that he can help us when we are most in need.

Meet me in the garden...

Genesis 2

8 Now the LORD God had planted a garden in
the east, in Eden;

and there he put the man he had formed.

9 And the LORD God made all kinds of trees
grow out of the ground

trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food.

In the middle of the garden were the tree of life

and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Up until recently I have never really been someone who was big on flowers. I have always loved the outdoors and trees and such but I don't think that I have ever really looked closely at flowers. Lately though I have become fascinated every time I see one. This past week I was visiting in California and was in awe of all the beautiful flowers there. Ones that I have never seen before. All so different and colorful and absolutely beautiful... I fell in love with them. When I got back and was looking at these pictures I was thinking about how much God must love them too. He did after all begin our existence in the Garden of Eden, and one of Jesus' favorite places to pray was in the Garden of Gethsemane. I mean think about it... all the different kinds of flowers He's created, so many different colors, and the details that he's put into them is amazing. So many different kinds of trees and plants and vegetation. Some of them bearing fruit, some of them just visually stunning, and many of them filling the air with calming and beautiful fragrances. How much time he put into appealling to all of our senses. How much thought and imagination. Yes, I think he very much loves the flowers and the gardens and just being surrounded by all that's in them. I never really thought about it until now though, but I guess that's why whenever I feel like I really need some one on one time with Him I just close my eyes and meet Him there in the garden. It is both one of my favorite places and His...

A request to my Father...

Heavenly Father,

Lord of love and peace, maker of all things both seen and unseen. I come to You with a humble heart, broken but not yet beat. For You alone have kept Your hand upon me Lord, cradled me in safety, surrounded me with Your mighty angels. As a mighty hedge they have surrounded me Lord, keeping me safe from all that might desire my fall. You Lord have lifted me up, high above the raging seas, so high now that I can see the full extent of Your greatness. With unconditional love You have guided me Lord, and though at times I have strayed You are always there. Your gentle wings of protection surround me, always full of love and forgiveness. Those precious things that at times I may not deserve, but yet You are always so willing to give. I embrace Your light Father, I cling to Your strength, and ask that You heal me Lord. Cleanse my heart and heal my wounds. Give me the sweet peacefulness within my heart that can come from only You. Set my mind at ease and give me the tranquility of peaceful still waters on a windless day. I do ask Father however, that You might leave my scars so that I may always remember those dark places from which I have traveled Lord yet returned from unscathed... by Your grace alone. In Jesus' name I pray.

Amen

I wrote this prayer many years ago during a very difficult time in my life. I came upon it today and remembered how much these words meant to me at the time and how this simple request can apply to my life each and every day. I think it's important to take the time to write your own prayers. To make them both personal and intimate. An expression of your own heart and your own earnest desires. Keep them and look back at them from time to time. Over time you will see ways in which you have grown and some core values of your spirit that remain the same. Just let them be an honest expression of your heart... like a child's request to their father.

Round and round it goes...

Ecclesiastes 1

5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south and turns to the north;
round and round it goes, ever returning on its course.

I cannot express to you in words the feeling that I get looking at this picture... this is my beautiful daughter, running with joy and peace, into the light of a beautiful and serene setting sun. I was looking for a verse to fit this picture and came upon this one, Ecclesiastes 1:5-6, and how perfectly it fits. Isn't it a comfort to know that through all the crazy moments in life and through all the ups and downs, that the most beautiful and precious moments always come back around again. That is why with each struggle and in the midst of our most challenging moments in life it is so very important to remember the words above... and it hurries back to where it rises... and round and round it goes, ever returning on its course. How powerful is that? When we accept it, God's grace is upon us and carries us back. I am so grateful for this, and I am so very grateful for every person in my life that reminds me of this and takes the time to bring me back to that place of grace and love. How blessed am I to have moments like this and people who unselfishly and thoughtfully share their blessings with me. What an amazing reminder and what beautiful knowledge to know that even when we are thrown off course there is a returning... and round and round it goes.

To everyone I love... Thank you for the sunsets.

Someone to watch over me...

Genesis 28:15
"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go,
and I will bring you back to this land.
I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

Being on my own, one of the things that I long for and miss a lot is the sense of security that comes along with being in a relationship. Having someone who calls to check on you when you are away, who waits for you to arrive home safely, who on long trips is by your side, and who protectively walks beside you on a dim lit night gives you a sense of security and comfort that someone is there... protecting and watching over you. Being a single mom I have gotten used to doing a lot of things on my own and have learned to watch out for myself, but even so there are a lot of times that fear sneaks in and I am left wanting that strong male presence that offers a sense of protection that I myself am unable to give. Growing up in the military and living on a base that was always full of soldiers, there was always that feeling of security and that someone was watching over you and that you were protected no matter where you were. When I saw this picture it brought back that feeling to me of safety and the promise that God has made to us. That he is always watching over us every step of the way, no matter where we go.

So what if you're broken...

I'm not saying that we should forget the past. It is after all an integral part of who we are. The fact of the matter is that sometimes bad things happen, people hurt you, and situations occur that we would much rather not have to go through. I would however, much rather be broken and better than unscathed and ungrateful. For a long time I lived in the pain of the people who have hurt me, situations that encouraged a constant repeat of bad memories, and the self pity of a moment that deserved no recognition or glory. It is your choice and your choice alone to evolve. I am so very grateful to have someone in my life who has taught me how to move out the victim way of thinking and into the victor... how to move through and resolve situations, instead of wallowing in moments of unhealthy thinking and a sandpit of poor me. How much more would we all be if with each unfortunate situation we stopped reliving it and asked ourselves, "What now?" Get out of the quagmire, set your feet on solid ground, and focus on solutions. I cannot change the past but I can affect my future with the wisdom that I possess here in the present. Don't let ignorant people and uncontrollable events steal your life and your joy.

Alone...

Romans 14:7
"For none of us lives to himself alone

and

none of us dies to himself alone."

One of the worst things to me throughout my life has always been having to face the feeling of being alone. There are two things that I greatly dislike and this happens to be one of them. Unfortunately, over the past few years I have been alone a lot. I won't lie. It has been an extremely difficult struggle for me, but through God's grace
and much resistance within myself the one thing that I have learned and that has brought peace to me on many occasions is realizing the fact that I am really never alone. There is and has always been in fact, someone who is always there for me, always watching over me, always comforting me and someone that I can reach out to on a moments notice and know for sure that He is always there. Never failing, never abandoning, never forgetful and always forgiving. He is my comforter, my confidant, my encourager and my ever faithful friend. He is the one that I can count on, the one I can lean on, and the one I can call on... always. To me there is no greater comfort than this.

And through the silent moments there is a gentle voice that whispers...

"I am thinking of u always."

The silver lining...

John 14:27
"Peace I leave with you;

my peace I give you.

I do not give to you as the world gives.

Do not let your hearts be troubled

and do not be afraid."

If it's hard to see the blue skies for the clouds,
look for the silver lining.
Things aren't always what they seem.
Trust in your heart and
know that love wins.

Wisdom always wins...

Proverbs 30

24 "Four things on earth are small,
yet they are extremely wise:
25 Ants are creatures of little strength,
yet they store up their food in the summer;

This little guy was so small I could barely see him, and he was moving so fast that I almost wasn't able to capture his photograph, but I did. Ants are somewhat fasinating creatures I think. They seem to be so small and insignificant at first sight but if you look at the way they function you might start to believe that they are actually wise creatures with a purpose and a will to survive that keeps them moving foward and that enables them to accomplish amazing things. Not only do they think ahead by gathering and storing food for the winter, they prepare for the rains by building high walls around their homes and will mass together to rebuild a destroyed home in no time at all. This just goes to show that we should not just look at the outward appearance of our capabilities, but that we should also look into ourselves and at the way that we are thinking. Like my best friend told me recently, it's not what you have that they have, it's thinking of another way to play the game to get the same result. We may not always have the same advantage that someone else has but it is our thinking and how we approach things that can get us just as far.

On being proud...

I have often been told that being too proud can be a bad thing. When I looked at this picture though the word came to mind and so I decided to look it up. According to the dictionary the definition is as follows:

Proud:

1. Feeling pleasurable satisfaction over an act, possession, quality, or relationship by which one measures one's stature or self-worth.
2. Feeling or showing justifiable self-respect.
3. Filled with or showing excessive self-esteem.
4. Of great dignity.
5. Majestic; magnificent.
6. Spirited.

I don't see how any of these can be bad. I think if more people today became more familiar with feeling proud the whole world would be a different place. I spoke to my brother today and his mom passed away yesterday. Talking to him made me think of my life up until now and how much I have evolved over the last few years in particular. And thinking about that and talking to him and trying to comfort, and support, and encourage him brought up an overwhelming feeling of pride within myself. I am proud of myself... I don't think I have ever said that to myself and really felt it. And no matter what my circumstance is at the moment I know that I have a feeling of self-respect and self-worth that I have never had before. Feeling that made me want him to feel the same. He is still very young and is now faced with the challenge of stepping up into a position of being in charge. He has a lot to overcome in the near furture and I can only hope that as those difficult and trying moments pass that he too will be filled with a sense of pride and that that feeling will only serve to carry him through the next challenge, whatever that may be. I think if you take a moment and just say to yourself, "I am proud of myself," you will begin to realize all of the many things that you really do have to feel proud of . Telling someone that you are proud of them and that you respect them is the next best if not the equivalent to saying I love you... I learned that one from Doug Robins my Pastor and if you really stop and think about it, it is so true.

I am so proud of you, and I respect you...

now go tell yourself and someone else.

All that is within me...

There have been many days lately that I have been feeling like I am not doing enough. My mind has been racing and I have spent many late nights staring at the ceiling going over and over in my head all that is within me. My goals, my fears, my desire to succeed, to love, to give and to serve... all of these things are inside of me. Waiting for the right moment to manifest themselves out of that place that says, "I should" or "I will", and into the moment of, "I am" and "Now is the time". This picture shows a good representation of how I feel. A vessel full of water. Water that can quench a desire, drown a fear, be served to someone in need, over flow a cup and fill a place in some one's heart . It is there and waiting. Waiting for that moment when the faucet is turned and when all that is within me flows out of myself and into the world that surrounds me. This to me is when miraculous and wonderful things will begin to happen. When I am willing to open myself up and go from that small trickle to a gushing flow that is filled with faith and love and all that I am capable of is finally released.

In the right direction...

Follow your heart and it will always

lead you in the right direction.

Follow your dreams and they will

lead you to a place you've never dreamed of.

Follow your head and it will give you

ten million reasons not to do either of the above.

Take a chance and trust what's inside you.

Follow your spirit and the love of God will guide you.

All the little things...

As I laid on the ground, cool breeze blowing, the smell of dirt and grass surrounded me. I spread my arms out, palms to the ground, staring up at the night sky. I could fall right now, I thought. If not for gravity I would simply drift away. Slip up into the atmosphere and float on continuously into the vast, never ending, realm of existence. The stars twinkled. Some distant and barely visible. Some shimmered in brilliance. Some seemed to beat with light as if they were the source of life within the darkness. Slowly the moon rose over the treeline full and bright, hope within the darkness. A reminder that daylight would soon come again and mask the darkness in which we float obliviously through each day. I closed my eyes tight and opened them. The darkened sky slowly lit up, and the more I gazed the more I saw hundreds and thousands of stars. My mind could not fathom the extent of what never ceases. God placed each one of them. With his words he spoke and there they appeared one by one. It made me realize the power of a word, the significance of a thought, the possibility of a dream and the never failing and ever amazing power that lies in hope. How small am I? I thought. How insignificant am I in this giant universe? More than invisible and non-existent in comparison to its size and magnitude. Yet here I lay with full view of it all on this planet, in this country, in this state, in this city, in this park, laying here on the ground, staring up at the night sky. Here I am so small. The tiniest detail in such a big picture. Yet the only thing that God created that can feel, and love, that can express, and give, and take. It is those things that make us so important, so significant. The little things that set us apart from everything else created and that have the ability to either make us feel so very small... or so much bigger than the universe. It is without a doubt... all the little things that count.

Simplicity...

Simplify your life and you will realize just how much more of it you have...

Down to the tiniest leaf...

There are often times that I am amazed by some of the most simple things. One of the ways that I connect with God is through nature. It is in silent moments, away from everything, in the midst of trees and animals, dirt and grass, and clouds and sky that I feel God's presence the most. You can see him in every detail of everything that he has made even down to the tiniest leaf. I often look at trees and wonder what stories they would tell if only they could speak. Hard to believe but some trees have actually survived for hundreds and even thousands of years. How could something endure for so long in a world that is ever changing? It's all in the way that it grows. Branch by branch, limb by limb, and leaf by leaf slowly over the ages it grows. Ever reaching up and branching out in search of light and water. Always digging its roots in deeper and deeper in search of the nutrients that it needs to survive, and at the same time providing stability to keep it standing tall. A tree will not only use the resources that directly surround it but it will continue to reach out as far as it is able in search for more. There are some plants that are said to have roots that stretch for hundreds of miles. How amazing is that? I imagine that if we took a moment to apply this to our own lives we would realize what exactly it takes to grow and endure the challenges that we face. Just as a tree, we must first dig in and plant our roots deep to provide ourselves with a strength and support that will carry us through any circumstance, and then we must constantly reach up and out to those things that will allow light into our lives and allow us to grow and bare fruit to others. This picture reminds me so much of the importance of doing just that...

Welcome home...

This is not my home of course, but it made me think of the word "home" and what exactly it means to me. I started to think of the several homes I have had over the past years and how symbolic and meaningful that word has become to me. I have always made a strong association with where I am in life and my home. Not meaning that... "Hey, I live in a nice house so I must be doing well." I am talking about being some place where you know you belong. A place where you say to yourself... "I am home... This is where I feel at peace." I know they say that home is where you hang your heart, and I was thinking today that if I were to hang my heart what would others see? Would they see a big, beautiful, well kept home, with many rooms, and a big open door to welcome loved ones? A place full of love and peace? A place where I would want to spend time... and a place where others would want to come visit? Or would they see a small house, one with not too many windows, door closed, shades drawn, overgrown and secluded? I would hope that they would see the first. I know that for me, my home is in the making. Every day I try to add something new to make it better, more welcoming, and a place full of love and peace. That way no matter where I am... there my mansion will be.

Man's best friend...

There is nothing better than having a friend you can count on. Someone who will listen to you talk for hours and never grow tired of hearing the sound of your voice (okay, so she's deaf). Some one who's always waiting there for you when you walk through the door (alright, so she can't really go anywhere else). And someone who is always, always happy to see you (alright, alright, so she's hungry and has to go pee). Anyway, it's a give and take kind of relationship... but what would I do without her.

Second glances...

This picture was taken on the Riverwalk. It was at a fairly unattractive spot with not much going on, but I was drawn to the line pattern though so I took the picture. I was surprised how the lighting beneath the bridge picked up the colors and turned something cold and unimpressive at first sight into something tranquil and interesting.